i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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