wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
