my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
