you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
