he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
