I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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