The maid of honor just puked.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
