Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize