last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
