Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
