"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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