I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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