Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
