his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
