I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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