She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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