I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sponge bath it is.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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