I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Two words: blizzard sex
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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