Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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