Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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