I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
