I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As shirtless as possible
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
