I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize