Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
