he wants to bone in the snuggie
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
