It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
