dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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