You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
