guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't make out with my wife yet
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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