if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
