Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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