were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
