oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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