i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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