You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
