Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
