my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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