Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize