Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
birth control should be required to get into college
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
