remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
