i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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