Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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