Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
