why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
