I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
