I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
