When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize