I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
