Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
