saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
