Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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