ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
