Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
