New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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