Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
