Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
