the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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