Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
God, I missed his penis.
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