We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
