god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
