took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
