uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
