you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
