i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
