Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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