I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
