my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
pray to the hookup gods
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
