He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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