You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
