well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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