I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
