Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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